Friday, October 29, 2010


1. I don’t like it when people call me “babe”. Not even my girlfriends. But I digress. Because I know they mean no harm. But still, I don’t like it.

2. “Pfft” is NOT a word. Trust me. I’ve tried using it. It feels weird.

3. I can never understand and nor will I ever understand the terms “woot woot”. Is that a dog howling?

4. Exam sucks the soul out of a person. And makes life haywire.

5. I sing hairbrush karaoke at home whenever I am alone. Oh okay I admit...sometimes I do get caught red handed by my family.

6. Technology is the cause of life’s misery.

7. Facebook, apart from money, is the root of all evil. Well not Facebook per se, it’s the people using it.

8. My lecturer(s) recently told me to choose whether to be a lawyer, a singer or a writer. I don’t get it. Why can’t I be all that? Haha. Lucky they don’t know that I dance too. That would get me into more trouble. I have been perli-ed enough by them as it is already.

9. Kenapa TAC CIMB susah sangat nak dapat!!??

10. The Zainals have a lunch date tomorrow. It’s supposed to be dinner but I got exams. (Demm.)

11. I am, at the meantime, a daughter, a sister, a mother, a father, a homemaker, an accountant, a student (on final exams, yikes!), a friend, a gardener, a pet owner, a banker, a laundrette (yes, laundrette. Haha.), a caretaker, a cook, a bibik (omg), and a lot more, all at the same time. And I’m experiencing it. ( that the right verb?)

Thursday, October 28, 2010

not enough?

laaa...tak habis lagi??
does it even occur to you that there might be something wrong with you?
I won't budge cause I know I'm not wrong. Inshaallah.
Allah is with me. Ergo, if I am wrong, He will lead me to the right path. Amin.
little by little, the truth will reveal itself.
Dengan izinNya.

Rasul pernah bersabda:
"Adapun wanita yang kepalanya seperti kepala babi dan badannya seperti keldai kerana dia suka mengadu-domba (melaga-lagakan orang) serta berdusta [dan] adapun wanita yang berbentuk seperti anjing kerana dia ahli fitnah serta suka marah- marah pada suaminya."

(I'm no angel. I'm no pious. But I am a Muslim, and I am both at the same time proud and humbled to be one. I am only His servant and I am only sharing what I think should be shared. Let us learn together.)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

i wanna buy you everything except cologne 'cause it's poison.

"hey soul sister" is last season.
but hey, there's still good stuff in it.
because when we collided, you're the one I have decided who's one of my kind
but the way you move ain't fair you know.
but you're no gangster, and I'm so thug.

i wasn't in it to win it. i was in it for you.

but no one else but me could do it better.
this is for Mama, Nana and Atee.
I confess you are the best thing in my life. The rest is just whatever.
I love you from your toes to your face.
Your love, that's enough for me.

Friday, October 22, 2010

of droplets and breezes.

And so here I am, home alone, brothers and sister at work or somewhere in college, mom and Dad some 13000 miles away.

I sit here in my living room studying for the finals which is starting in 2 days time and quite frankly speaking I am nowhere near ready.

It’s finally raining outside. Just drizzles of fine rain, not the cats and dogs type. And so I left the front door opened. It must be the combination of the soothing breeze, the coolness that the rain is bringing and the quietness of the house that got me caught in a daydream.

I miss mama. I miss ayah. I miss my sister, Nana – she’s so busy nowadays. I feel sorry for her, having to get up early in the morning only to get back late at night. Usually she’ll be so exhausted she’ll go straight to sleep. But she makes me proud. You’re gonna be a great doctor Ngah. Eman and Bean are both busy with finals. I’m left by my own taking care of the home and running errands. Eman helps here and there but I try not to burden him as much. I don’t feel it like much of a burden. In fact, I’m enjoying the works and chores. I just feel pressed for time.

The semester is finally over (not accounting the finals) and I’m feeling the heat. I miss classes. I miss my friends. It is hard to know that all of them are not going to be by my side fighting the same battle anymore.

I miss dancing. I miss swimming. It has been almost 11 months I’ve gone without those two. Mostly because I’m busy. I shall resume those passions of mine soon. =)

It’s still raining outside. The light brown paved porch of ours is covered with droplets which makes it somewhat appears like a mirage. Looking through the gate I can see the road that lies ahead. No I’m not talking metaphorically. I can see literally the road in front of my house. I never noticed this before – the road is those kind of road that you see in movies (well, minus the cars) – with dead leaves scattered all over, trees on both sides...and when a car drives along, the leaves all terbang-terbang aside...just like those cheesy but classy cars adverts. It’s nice.

With this weather, and the surroundings, I feel like I’m in an English cottage somewhere in Europe.

And suddenly a familiar thought blew in. I have been so unhappy these past few months. A smile ceases to be a smile when inside, your heart is broken.

But today, today the breeze told me something.

“You’re gonna be okay. Thousands of smiles are coming your way.”

And so I close my eyes, basking in the breeze.

And I smile.


And they say that when you smile even when no one is around, that’s the genuine happiness right there.

Or it might just be that I am losing my mind.


Eman snapped this photo of mine. I was laughing at my sister.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

i miss you like crayzayh.

where'd you go?
i miss you so.
seems like it's been forever since you've been gone.
please come back home.

to hear you say my name again. its soothing.
it reminds me of the start.
luluh hati.
but what was that i saw in your eyes?