Wednesday, September 29, 2010

You look like death!

That was the remark I got this morning.
To which I absently replied, “I am death.”
Well at least that’s how I feel.

When I came in this morning, this was on my desk.


I love sweet sneaky notes. It makes my day. (Thank you Alin! =])

I dyed (oh okay, re-coloured) my hair back to dark-brown yesterday.
It looks weird and feels weird to not be a red-headed anymore.
Even Mama said, “Pelik Nampak Diya rambut tak merah.”
I feel dark. Almost gothic. Haha.
Eventhough I love my red hair (try obsessed), things got to change. It’s time. And since I can’t cut my hair (my last trip to the salon involved me screaming hysterically because the hairdresser took it upon herself to cut my hair more than the length permitted. Trim it! Not cut it! She’s lucky I’m not suing her), I decided to dye it back to brown. Red hair is much harder to maintain anyway.
I love how it turns out. I feel almost normal.

But when I told a friend of mine of this (quite) sudden change, she jumped.
“But why!!?? Red hair suits you best! Sayangnyaa!!”
Alah, malaslah nak maintain. I need something new. Now I feel normal. Ordinary maybe. Oh wow! I look ordinary.”
“What!? Well, I have bad news for you girl.
(here I imagine her like one of those African-American women, attitudes and all)
You’re not normal.
You are never ordinary and you know that.
You’re abnormal, out of the ordinary and special.
A rare combination.
Always are, have always been and will always be. Suck it.”

Today I realized something. I don't have great friends.
I have AMAZING friends.


I can't list all of you here, that'll take a lifetime.
But if you are my friend, and if you are, by some weird chance, reading this, I am thankful and glad that you are a part of my life.


Monday, September 27, 2010

careful man's careless daughter

Currently at the airport sending Ayah off back to Jeddah.
I know for a fact that much as I hate letting Ayah go, it's a million times harder for him. Things are a zillion times better when he's around.
I miss him already.

Bean is sick and is suspected having appendicitis.

I skipped classes and feel bad but I don't care. As if it all matters.

Okay, I don't like today.

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Thursday, September 23, 2010


I only said it 'cause I mean it.
I only mean it 'cause it's true.
It's only true because I feel it.
It's what I feel when I'm with you.
So don't you question what I'm dreaming.
'Cause these all happened because of you.

"I make no apologies for how I choose to repair what you broke.
You don't get to have a say."
- Meredith Grey -

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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

jawapan bahagian dua.

jawapan soalan awak; tidak.

kalau boleh lepas macam air lalu,
dah lama pergi layang-layang itu.
tak payah kawan buat muka macam batu.

i am capable of great things.
but not that.
not that.
i guess that's why.

i tried.
you tried.
we tried.
we died.

bukan dia yang harus terima kredit itu, bukan.
sebab yang bayar salah dia, kawan.

you can't have better when you have the best.
you can't have better when you had the best.
but when the best ceases to be the best, the best does not deserve to have you.
because you are the best.
but even the best falls down sometimes.

macam mana dengan apa yang awak hendak?
macam mana dengan apa yang kawan hendak?

kawan tenang.
tapi air yang tenang jangan sangka tiada buaya.
kadang-kadang hujan ribut petir singgah.
tunggu tiba jauh sungguh.
bukan jauh.
jauh sungguh.
tiba masa itu, simpan selit senyap senyap dalam dalam.
buat masa ini, letak antiseptik makan pembunuh sakit.
buat masa ini, telan batu muka dinding.

maaf ye.
kawan tahu kawan degil.
sebab kawan tahu kawan tak salah.
kawan ini pejuang.
dari lahir sampai sekarang.
dah sudah kawan tak tahu nak mengalah.
jatuh jugak kadang-kadang.
tapi kawan ramai pengadang.
satunya awak.
bangun balik berjuang.
dalam diam.

i am glad you made peace.
i am happy you are content.
i am yet to end this
for it is out of my hands.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

untuk awak dan mereka yang masih setia.

awak ada malam itu.
antara malam kawan jatuh.

awak ada petang itu.
petang kawan rasa jauh.

awak ada pagi itu,
pagi matahari tak mahu menyuluh.

i'll hold on to your promise.
though i learnt the hard way,
in the end, away it will give.
keep it.

so strong you are,
as that i will be.
so long we shall breathe,
drenched in tears we may be,
out of hopes it may seem,
here i will be.

truths are lies.
as lies are truths.
forgiveness means nothing when nothing is everything.

awak ada.
tanpa masa.
terima kasih ya.

izin Dia, hidup panjang lagi.
macam-macam boleh jadi.
akhirnya bukan ini.
tunggu nanti.
ini kata hati.
lihat nanti.

macam awak,
kawan janji cuba berdiri.
walau jatuh letih.
kawan janji cuba berlari.
meski balik mula bertatih.
kawan janji ada disisi.
jauh tapi pasti.
jangan lupa mati.

doa pada illahi.
jangan ada tepi.
tidak basi.
Dia janji.
Dia tepati.
satu hari,
jawapan awak jumpa.
kawan juga.

sabar ye you.

i love you too.
i do.
thank you.


Monday, September 20, 2010


mel suruh update blog.
die ckp "updatela blog. ckp i ade kat sebelah u."
hi mel.


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Thursday, September 16, 2010

melodi perasaan

indah bukan?
mengertikah dikau?

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Wednesday, September 15, 2010

the sweetest mars.

The girl Bruno Mars is singing about must be one of the most beautiful girl on earth.
The luckiest I must say.

To have that one person who thinks that I am amazing just the way I am. Even without any make up and fancy clothes on. Even when I am just in baju buruk and kain batik. Even when I am feeling terribly sick and don't even bother with how I look.
Who still thinks that I am beautiful even in reality it's actually wishful thinking.
All that without lies.
Will I ever be that lucky again?
Will I ever be that lucky?

For now I'll just settle with smiling when listening to that song. It makes me feel pretty. =)
Thank you Bruno Mars. =)

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Thursday, September 2, 2010

post ke limapuluh. 24y.o.


esok hari baru.
atas kau mahu pilih jalan mana.
sebab aku tahu.
salah hati kau masih rasa.
jangan risau aku.
aku dah mula padam semua.
maaf itu...
tak ada makna.
tapi aku rasa geli hati.
sebab kau macam kera kena cili.
apesal kau?
tak sedap hati?
aku senyum la bhai.
sebab aku dah menang.
sebab aku dah tenang.


bila hari macam ini yang dulunya hari aku.
kau buat aku senyum.
walaupun itu tipu.
terima kasih.
sekarang hari kau yang macam aku dulu,
kau lihat aku senyum.
sebab bukan aku yang harus buat kau senyum.

tell me, how do you sleep at night?

answer me in 3 years time.


selamat pulang ayahanda!