Thursday, July 29, 2010

shut up and put your money in my pocket.

With respect to certain religions, I don’t believe in reincarnations. Nor do I believe in rebirth. Or what people say “mati hidup semula.” No such thing. Not literally (of course not!). Not figuratively or even metaphorically.

To be reborn means that you are starting over from zero. It means that you are now a blank sheet. You are one big plain white piece of empty cloth. No memories, no recollections, no black spots on your heart or your mind, nothing.

You are pure.

Like a newborn baby.

Cakap pun tak tahu lagi. Baru nak belajar bertatih.

That is rebirth.

Suffice to say that unless that is exactly the state you are in when you say that you are starting over with life, you are not reborn. No rebirth whatsoever.

As human, we start from where we left off. No matter how you say you want to start over/a new start, you still start from where you left off. With all those memories embedded in your stubborn little brain together with your experiences (or lack of it) and all those life lessons (regardless whether you learnt from it or not), you start where you left off. Albeit, maybe with a new perspective.


Now that makes sense.

You change your viewpoint of life, on the way you approach life and on the way you live your life by making use of all (if any) you had known and learnt of life prior to your changing.

Now, how can you say that that is a rebirth?

Bukan rebirth. You change.

Change is supposed to be for the better. Because ideally you get better as life goes by. However, that is only an ideology. There are people who change for the worst. Yes, worst.

Orang upgrade, dia downgrade.

These people, they are not changing, actually. They are just being themselves, true colours revealed.

That is not “change”.

It is a degradation of self.

How can that be a rebirth?

Ponder on that.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

decode this.

“A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer.” – Karl Krauss

I am a lawyer (to be).
And in a world built with black and whites, the fundamental piece of every little thing is (surprise, surprise), black and white.
Or should I say black OR white.
There’s no gray area. Ideally.
However, in fact, we all know real life is full of gray areas.

That’s where it gets interesting. And that’s where most people would want to be – the gray area.
Because, you see, the gray area is not gray at all. It contains a full spectrum of any and every colour imaginable by the mind. So much colour that no normal brain can possibly comprehend, thus it becomes gray.
Ironic. Sad.
It is this very fact that terrifies human being and keeps them away from entering or even coming near the gray area.

*take a breath here*

Allow me to repeat myself.
I am a lawyer (in the making).
In my world, it is all about the facts. The facts that constitute the ‘black and white’.
Without facts, a lawyer cannot function.
It is subsequent to the identification of the facts that the law can come into the picture.
Now, facts, you cannot alter. It is what it is.
You can’t twist the fact.
You can’t twist the fact.
You can’t change the fact.
To put it in science terms, the fact is the catalyst. How you view the fact, how you approach the fact is the variable.

And that’s how lawyers function. They take different views of the fact and try their best to convince the court that their view is the “right” view. “Right” here, is subjective.
Some people call it lying. But actually, it is an art of persuasion.
The downside of this method is that in the midst of it all, you risk losing your senses and eventually succumb to your outlook on the fact. Even though you know, right from the start, that your perspective on the matter might not be “right”. (To say “wrong” would be unethical).
In simpler words, you believe your own lie.

*breathe again*

“What...”, you ask, “are you talking about?”.


To say “Here are the facts, (if you care to know)” would be pointless.
You know the fact. It’s perceivable by the naked eyes.
That’s the black and white. It is up to you whether to view it in black or in white. What is left now is the gray - the little area where the ‘black and white’ meets.
Bear in mind of what has been said earlier; the gray area is actually coloured.

I know you would like to know about the gray, even though you actually, do not care.
Now, I can’t help you with the gray. I, myself don’t know the gray. I don’t even know whether I want to know the gray.
But I have heard of some of the colours of the gray. It may be the truth, but it can be all lies.
All truths now are lies.
I say, enough. I am tired.
Someday, the gray will show its colours.
I will know of the gray.

I am the black and white.
I am the fact.
And I am also part of the gray.

But all that does not define me.
You know me. You know me pretty well. You know that I ooze colours.
I am multicoloured. In HD.

Take it and be merry.
Or leave it and weep.

Monday, July 19, 2010


helping my sister brushing on her photography skills, combined with an excerpt from a storybook that's yet to come out, you'll get a portrait of the story of my life...well, a part of it.

"...If you sit beside her in and listen to her in silence,

you would find that she has a thousand stories to tell.

But if you ask her why, you will be left unanswered.

Because the truth, she is yet to know.

The story, this story,

has not ended yet..."

it is funny how life, sometimes, looks you in the eye and laugh at you while you try your best to cope with it.

Friday, July 16, 2010

leave it blank...innalillah...

a moment of silence please.

i am grieving.

i cannot believe this is happening. but it happened.

it's okay though. god loves me.

i lost my.....


tak. betul...seriously ni...


Sunday, July 4, 2010

bertuah punya budak.

The elders have a way of turning some bad things to be good things.
Take swearing for example. Instead of mumbling the first bad word that comes to mind, they say something good like 'bertuah punya budak!'.
Words are doa after all.

In my case, the phrase literally speaks itself.
I am lucky. =)

These are the reasons I'm a "budak bertuah"...

1. I have the best parents anybody could ever wish for.
I can talk to them about anything and everything under the sun. They always got my back and never lets me down. They are with me through thick and thin. The coolest and most understanding parents ever.

2. Have you ever seen the series "Brothers and Sisters"? Or even "7th heaven"?
Think the siblings bonding portrayed is too good to be true?
We are the living, breathing proof of it. Haha.
Sure, we quarrel sometimes. But life wouldn't be as good if we don't.
You wouldn't even think to ask for more if you got even a little bit of what we have. =)

3. This is Atee, my aunt, and her children.
She is my second mother in every way possible. Like the rest of my family, she is there whenever i need her. Likewise.
Her children are my siblings as well.
Dare you to mess with them, i'll kill you in a heartbeat.

4. Ira. My cousin and bestest friend.
Need I say more?

5. Mawar, my soulmate and Nasriah, my best friend.
Who are always there for me. No questions ask. I couldn't ask for any better friends than them.

Reason # 6 and onwards speaks for itself...

Al Haram Al Nabawi, Madinah. (yeap that's me..hee..)

Makkah Al Mukarramah.

After umra. =)

I spent three weeks of the remaining of my semester break in Jeddah with my family. While we were there, we took the opportunity to perform our umra and ziarah to Medina. Since Ayah's home is only one hour away from Mecca, we had the privilege of going there for a number of times. =)

And these are reason #12...

@ The Gateway of India, Mumbai.

Mama and me @ the Haji Ali Mosque, Mumbai.

Mumbai hai!!!! hehe..if you know me well, you'd know how fascinated am i with the Bollywood. well, mainly because I dance Indian dance. But you got to admit that their culture is pretty fascinating and the outfits...OMG. haha.

So there you have it. A few reasons why I am lucky.

InshaAllah, I'll tell the stories about our trip in my next entries.

Semua yang baik itu datang dari Allah. So, bersyukurlah. hehe.
Alhamdullillah =D.