Friday, May 7, 2010

waging wars to shape the poet and the beat.


you never think the last time is the last time.


you think there'll be more.

you think you have forever...




...but you don't.


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

'til all my sleeves are stained red.


Everybody loves gossip. Right? Wrong.
It’s okay when you’re the one hearing it. Better when you’re delivering it (power, you say).
But when you’re on the receiving end…well, it sucks.

I blame the TV. Gossip girls..you know you love me..xoxo..bullcrap. hear me spell it out N.O.T. C.U.T.E. ANNOYING. I personally find those genre of stories are full of stupid stuff (this is me being polite about it) so I don’t watch it.

The day before ayah went to move to Jeddah, he told us this… “Jangan buka aib orang. Jaga aib orang macam mana kita jaga aib kita sendiri.” (Eh, ayah ni phsycic la. Macam tau tau jer what’s gonna happen? Haha.)
Well, suffice to say that the breakfast club kinda ceased to be a ‘club’ after that.
You see, I am a firm believer that you should listen to your parents. And I am talking from experience. Tried, tested, Nadia approved. I know my moral compass doesn’t always point to north, but even when I say it’s wrong, it’s wrong.
Well in this case, when I say listen to your parents, Listen! (Although not everything adults say are right. ;p)
Pergh, ter-out of topic plak.

Funny I should talk about this now. Its kinda uncalled for. At first I don’t really think I should address the issue. Very petty. Very high-school-ish. (Im 24 for heaven’s sake!) But then I accidentally watched this movie on HBO the other night. (Accident because I was supposed to do my chores but then I was lazy and the fact that James Marsden and Kate Hudson was on it made it a must watch.hee.) It’s about some gossip started out by some people just to find out how far it will go. Turns out…well, you go find out for yourself how it turned out...i’m not gonna be a party pooper.

Now I’m not gonna be a hypocrite and say I don’t gossip. Bapak penipunyer! I do. Well I did. I even have my own gossip gurus. Up until the point when ayah said that. I stopped. Mind your own business they say. Plus I have much to think about; with LLB, managing the family with our parents away, my so-called little business and all. I had a lot on my mind so other people’s story (or lack of it) is the last (more like never) of my concerns. That’s how I learnt not to care and not to gossip. I guess I was lucky in that way.

But then, little that I know that I was going to be the hot-topic of the town.
*cue sound effects*
Wow. Haha.
At first it was kinda like nothing. But slowly, it affected me bit by bit. You see, I am the kinda person who sees dignity as a big issue. I hold to my good name. I hold to my family’s good name. So, when one of these gets on the line, I get a little bit shaken up.
I tried to rectify the situation but to no avail.
Gossip, if you don’t already know, is like a storm. It starts out small, and then gets really messy before it calms down and stops. Leaving all those mess behind.

What hurts the most is that those gossipers, those who started the rumours, those who spread them, are my friends. The ones who know me and the kind of person I am.
Ahah. Now, you know why I say “…now I know who my friends are” before.
I don’t blame them. Not totally. They don’t know the whole story. Hell. They don’t know the story at all.
Had they even the slightest guts to come to me and ask me, I’d tell them the truth. But I guess they are all chickens. (whoops!)

This went on from March.
I still hear stuff being said.
I still get those sneaky looks. (chaittpodahh!!)
Before, it’ll bring me down.
Now, I’ll just smile.
Hey, I am now a celebrity. People talk about me. Truth? Lies? Who cares?

What matters, I know the truth. He knows the truth. My real friends know the truth. His friends know the truth. Our friends know the truth. Our families know the truth. We all know where we stand.
And all these people, they don’t judge. They understand.
Those who matter won’t mind and those who mind won’t matter.

Nevertheless, I had some good stuff that came out from this.
1. I now know who is friend and who is NOT.
2. I now categorize my friends. Haha.
3. I now, don’t gossip.
4. I am now happy..er.

O, thy who gossiped, I know who you are. Every single one of you. I know.
I don’t hold grudge towards you. I don’t wish bad things for you. But I do pray. And well, u know what they say about doa orang yang teraniaya. Allah maha besar.
What I prayed for? Well, that’s between me and the Big Guy up there. :)


Rasullullah SAW was quoted as saying:
“Exaggerating in gossiping about the Muslim is as sinful as the highest levels of usurious gain (riba).” (Abu Dawud)

He (peace be upon him) was also quoted as saying:
"People are not thrown into the hellfire on their faces or noses except due to the result of their tongues.” (Ahmad and al-Tirmidhi)




Dear those who think they matter,
Who are you to judge?
As if you are the epitome of prophesy. Are you?
Judge yourselves first, before you even try to start to judge another.
I'm not different. I'm still me. I'm just indifferent. Indifferent towards you. I think you know why. If you don't, then good for you. You just scored one stupidity point for yourself.
I don't hate you.
Friendship is subjective.
Get the story right.


The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "Do you know what backbiting is?" They said, "Allah and His Messenger know best." He then said, "It is to say something about your brother that he would dislike." Someone asked him, "But what if what I say is true?" The Messenger of Allah said, "If what you say about him is true, you are backbiting him, but if it is not true then you have slandered him." (Muslim)

Allah cautions against backbiting in the Qur'an: "O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, in deeds some suspicions are sins. And spy not neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah, verily, Allah is the one who accepts repentance, Most Merciful." (49: 12)