Wednesday, December 23, 2009

......i believe in yesterday.






9 missed calls.

Right there on the screen.
Blinking.

And I'm still stuck in this stupid class. Praying. Very hard. That this person they call lecturer for some reason would get an instant on the spot uncontrollable type of diarrhea that would fix her to the toilet seat for the rest of the day. Amin.

Oh God.
Oh God.
Oh God.
Ya Allah!
Tak boleh ke manusia ni berhenti kejap? Tolonglah.


Argh!
To hell with it.
I grabbed the phone, risking being caught, which I don't really care if I do at all.

Tried once.
Nobody answered.
Twice
Voicebox.
Trice.
Voicebox.

Another number.
Ditto.

Another number.
The same.

Another number.
"Hello?"
"Hello..haaa..."
*static*
*static*
"Hello..."
"Hello!!"
"*static* Balik rumah... *static* ...bila?... *static*.."
"Cakap kuat sikit! Line kat sini macam bangang!."
"Balik...*static*... cepat! *static*...kalau boleh......sebab...."
*line ends*

7th heaven my ass!

*One text message*
"Ma kate, balik cepat la kalau boleh."
or
"KL balik tak malam ni?"
or
"KL balik kul bape?"
or
"KL, busy tak?"
or
"KL, nak mtk tolong sikit? Bley?"
"Ayah call tadi kirim salam."
"Yot, mama nak pegi airport ni hantar ayah. Kalau boleh ikut la."

The worst haven't had its way yet.

The best, I woke up and went right back to sleep.
The worst, I lie awake and think and think and think and think and its neverending.


Mama said, "Its a sacrifice you have to make."

Mawar said, "Well, you're not Superwoman."



I wish the coin would flip itself.
And spare me the sleepless night and restless days.





Fuck choices.
Fuck LLB.

Friday, October 30, 2009

better than Oscar.

Awaken by Augustana’s Boston, the first thing that came to my mind was “Can I relive yesterday?”

The realization hits like a wave. Everything ended the moment we stepped out of the hall.

Here is where we part, at the same place where we first met.

Here is where we say goodbye, at the same place where the first hello was spoken.


“Yesterday when you were young everything you needed done was done for you,

Now you do it on your own, but you find you’re all alone, what can you do?

You and me, we walk on, walk on, walk on…

…’cause we can’t go back now…”



The Day.

Yesterday, 27th October 2009.


Was undeniably one of the best days of my life. Graduating together with my brother, nothing I can wish that can top this moment. To know that I’ve officially made it to the end. To see the proud faces of Mama’s and Ayah’s. To see the tears of joy welled up in my Atee’s eyes. To see the happy faces of my brothers and sisters.


We made it Eman. I am proud of you. We are proud of you. Congratulations!






The Journey.


Started in Shah Alam’s UiTM, where I was first accepted as a student in Hotel and Tourism Management Faculty. The first time ever staying away from home, I have problems taking it in easily. I was lucky enough to get the same dorm room with a friend. We entered and take charge of one of the performances for the Orientation Week’s closing ceremony. Shortly after, we were chosen to be the committee of the Everest Homecoming Ceremony. Simply put, my first week in UiTM was eventful and FUN!


I made friends with my new course mates easily and was starting to come to terms with being a university

student.


Everything went on rather smooth until the moment I received a phone call during my dance practice (I took traditional dance as my co-curricular activity). It was from Mama.


“Hello.”

“Nadia, you got an offer to do Pre-Law.”

“Seriously!?”

“Yes. UiTM.”

“Eh? Macam mana dapat 2 offers in one semester?”

“Tula, Mama pun confuse. Nak accept tak?”

NAK!!”

“But it’s 3 semesters in Kedah la

“Huh!?”


One tearful goodbye party and 5 hours journey from KL later, I was in UiTM Kedah. The new addition to the Pre-Law class, I was approximately one and a half month late.


That marks the start of my life as a Law student.


The 3 semesters was cut short into two when I was diagnosed with cancer and had to take study leave for a semester.


I was transferred to Pre-Law class in Shah Alam, where I juggled between classes and chemos, side by side, trying my best to complete both courses.


Fate was on my side. Alhamdullilah. Now here I am; 5 years later…holding a scroll, bowing and smiling and walking off the stage. Graduating. Graduated.



The Gratitude.


Thank you.


To UiTM.


To Chombie, Sarah, Linda, all the “Kurik Kundi” girls, Chobin and Reduan and all the orientation committee : for making my orientation week a memorable one.


To all friends from Hotel Management; Maiya, Zehan, Mastura, Nizam, Ad, Zaid, Kudin and others, together with my roommates in Seroja; Kak Ecah, B, Hafizah and the rest. (sorry I can’t recall all of you).


To friends from Kedah; Khadijah, Anas, Natrah, Nisa, Farah, Shirley, Maslin, Ayong liana, Amal, Wani, Faida, Najiah, Zue, Alis; thanks for the banner..i still keep it.., Kazlinda, Bai, Chida; for the IP notes and tips, Tammy, Ashy; (for the efficient notes) , Akmal, Jessica; for being the constant companion to and fro KL, everyweek, Azin; for being a good study partner and the benchmark (haha ;p) Shah; thanks for the lovely singing, thanks for the song “Ayu”, where are you? Azira, Aini; you’re one of the most sincere person I’ve ever met, Awang, especially Farhan; who kept in touch even though you dah jadi senior..and for all the notes and tips and for relentlessly pushing me to study hard (sorry I didn’t listen hehe..)..and everybody else that matters.


To the lecturers in Kedah, esp. Mr. Haswira; who once told me to balik KL with lori sayur (ur very classy sir), Cik Nurul Huda for your endless support and Puan Siti Rafidah for the best classes ever!


To all the lecturers in Shah Alam especially Pn Hartini, Mr Haris, Prof Shad, Pn Fariza and Cik Yang Chik.


To the people whom I knew since my days in Pre Law Shah Alam;

Shu, Ecah Kecik, Shane, Amira : the girls who took care of me whenever I’m a bit under the weather…u girls will always have a special place in my heart.


Dy, you were the best good friend I’ve ever had. Thank you for supporting me and my dreams. Thank you for opening up doors for me. For the “..in D’s bedroom” session(haha), for the gigs opportunities, for being my partners in skipping class (remember that time when you had to be the lookout and we almost kantoi…because of me..haha) thank you.


Nina and Sha, for all the fun times we had together, the 4 of us. Those times were the one of the best times I had in my life as a student.


Nas, thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for listening and understanding without questioning. Thank you for being my steady someone who I can always depend on.


Dim, my “Nadia’s Syndrome” partner…you know all the reasons why I should thank you. That and those nights you let me share your room to crash in.


Moo2, my “rock on” friend. Thanks for all the crazyness.


Marley, without you, my world would be a bit bland.


Jazzy, the coolest person ever.


Mawar, my soulmate.


Mel, the one who understand.


Put and Hanim and Yana, the havoc ones.


Deeba, Exact, Ayusuffina, Nabila and Sasa, my hindi dance students; Nura, Lily.


To Bob and Halim, the coolest thesis partner anyone could ever have.


Nizi Shazril : for being my partner in crime and the best wing-man in Petronas. (astroboy, shezz?) ;p


Fuad and Daush : I love uols.


The ever so special All or Nothing.

The Ka’ching : uols best!!


To the Il Dimoque seniors and Syafiq, the manager: jamming and performing with you guys were a privilege.


To Ayue, the best dancing kaki.


Izyan, Shoel, Shazrina, Syalia, Che Pah, Fad, Syam, Amir, Samira, Fareez (put), Saleh, Wan (isteriku), Sarah, Tonah, Juh, Farah, Aida, Ain mummy, Asfa, Syida, Kate, Azreen, Nabil Aswad, Zex, Malin, Kirk, Qiss, Fira, Chala, Raimi, Muaz, Falah, and everybody whose name I don’t mention.


Last but not least, to Mama and Ayah, Nana, Eman and Bean.

To Atee, Diyani, Danial, Dizz, Anje and Anyah.

To both Opah.

Ira. Kak Ila.

And all my family.


I couldn’t even imagine making it this far without all of you. THANK YOU for everything.


*************************************************************************************


To the Bachelor of Legal Studies class of October 2009,

CONGRATULATIONS!!

We made it!!!




**********************************************************************************

I'm missing my student life already.





picts credit to Liyana Zainal.

for more picts click here. and here.

video : click here.








Sunday, October 25, 2009

it ends tonight.

dear you,
it's not your fault that we drifted apart.
i know we used to be so close.
but life throws us in different directions, giving us no choice but to be separated. there is only one option left. keep in touch or suffer the memory of how it used to be.
you expect me to be there. to go all the way just to meet you while you sit there and do nothing. nothing at all even when i gave you a reason to come all the way over here just so that we can meet.

here and there, now, is a world's far.

i'm sorry that you expect me to do all the work to keep this alive.
my question is, what do you do to at least keep us going?

time flies, life goes by. even though we can still be what we are, we can never achieve as close to what we were.

busy, you say, was your reason.
i think that's reason enough for me not to care.
for there are others in your world, walking in your shoes, that clears the time in their hectic schedule for their other friends. why can't you?
these people, they care.
thus, i care.

i'm tired of understanding. i'm tired of trying to understand. because no matter what, it is you who don't understand. it is you who refuse to understand.

now, i choose to care only of those who cares.
now, i choose to appreciate only those who appreciate.
it takes two to tango.

it's not your fault that we're not as close as before.

but it's not mine either.





for those who does care, Thank You.



(this post is not meant for Mawar, Mel, Hanim, Put, Nas, Nizi, Bob, Halim, Farhan, any friends from HighSchool, any friends from Primary school and Illy Maisara.)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy.

Dear (a) Friend,

I thought you’d be happy for me. But I guess sharing my joy with you is not as important as you brooding on your not-so-exciting and extremely busy life, at least that’s what you said. I guess that’s the reason behind the need for you to utter those snide-y remarks to me. I apologize for sharing. I promise to try to keep it to myself. There won’t be any next time.


Dear (another) Friend,

Thanks for lending an ear to hear my distress. It was very thoughtful of you to run away immediately when I start to share my story. You are a real friend in need. I promise I won’t do the same mistake anymore. All those times I spent entertaining you and your splendid ”love story" or the lack of it, keep it. A present from me for your kindness.


Thank you.



It is better to have one close friend that will be there for you no matter what than to have ten who will run away whenever you need them.


Or so to say.


I’ve heard this time and time again and I can’t say that I don’t agree.


But for me, I am lucky enough to be blessed with a few of that “one” kind of friend. It doesn’t hurt that they are also family.


My best friends are also my sister, my mother and my cousin, Ira. Though I don’t tell them everything (come on, you don’t exactly tell your best friends everything. Not even if that friend is not family), they know me more than enough to understand why I do the things I do the way I do it. Sure, some questions will be raised, arguments will be brought forward, we disagree to agree, we agree to disagree, we disagree to disagree, we agree.


Memang die macam tu…sabar jela… takpelah nanti die belajarlah.


I admit, I am not easy to deal with. Embarrassing as it is, it’s a known fact amongst my besties that I am an unpredictable, emotion-driven person. I am different when I am with friends. I am different when I am with family. I think you can do the math when it comes to my best friends. That alone is enough to illustrate my irregularity. Haha.


I have two brothers that also serve as my best guy friend. The four Rosses and Atee are also my close friends.


A friend of mine once tells me that she doesn’t get too close with any particular friend to prevent disappointment (People disappoint, everybody knows), and if I were to look around, her friends are everywhere. To me, although there’s a grain of truth in her theory, I still think she lost a big chunk of important things in her life. I pity her for that.


I am 98% sure that most people will agree that the one thing that distinguishes friends from best friends is that friends are there when you are happy, while best friends are there when you are happy AND sad. Cliché. But true.


As for me, my friends are there when they need me. When I’m happy. My best friends are there regardless of whether or not I need them. They are there when I think I don’t need them. They know better. They are there when I’m happy and especially when I’m sad.


Friends would run from you. Best friends run for you, with you.


This is me counting my blessing. I am thankful for my best friends.


Best friend is a necessity as well as luxury.



Who are your best friends?


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

i Am the walrus.

“Can I lie about my personal information on Facebook?” my lady boss asked me.

“Of course” I answered.

“But then it defeats the point la kan?”

Ha’ah la.” I smiled.

“…because I’m a very private person.” To which I replied with a short explanation on how she can privatize her Facebook account.

This got me thinking. Do I reveal too much info on my FB account? On my other online accounts whatsoever? What about life in general?

But then again, who’s to know whether I lied or not about those things.

Oops, of course I don’t lie. I just make it interesting. It’s like decorating a cake. Some people like it simple, some like it elaborated. But too much would make it just cheesy. Not good.

With some people it’s ‘what you see is what you get’. With other, it’s ‘more than meets the eye’.

With me you never know.







Hey there strawberry vita-c addict. I miss you.



Thursday, October 8, 2009

Sorry I missed you. Stand still next time.

when I say "It's okay, I understand.."

that doesn't give you the licence to break my heart.













...but i just keep it all inside
...that way it won't hurt so much
when we say goodbye.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

1430H

Eid Mubarak.

Salaam Aidilfitri.

Selamat Hari Raya,
Maaf Zahir Batin.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Sapu Tangan.

One.

“I don’t hold grudges. They’re too heavy a burden to carry.” Or so they say.

But I do. For some inexplicable reason, it’s not easy for me to forgive and forget. Oh, I hold grudges all right. I don’t let go. I might even take them to grave someday. (Jadik Pontianak la aku nanti. Tapi aku tak terer gamelan. Tarian bollywood ye. Ada boleh? Balun je ler..)


Two.

I don’t give a rat’s ass about politics. It’s full of manipulative, selfish people that’s full of bullcrap. Using every possible medium and reason and whatsoever to support their cause. One that doesn’t need to be a’ cause” in the first place, if you ask me. Macam mana nak pimpin orang if diri sendiri pun tunggang langgang? Bagai ketam mengajar anaknya berjalan straight.

I reserve my opinion to myself as there’s no such thing as freedom of speech and expression.

All you educated reader can think for yourself.


Now, my entry for today.















1Malaysia sekalian. Diam je ke?


It has only been ten (10) days since Malaysia’s 52nd independence anniversary. And now this.


For those of you who know me really well would be surprised to read this entry. What the hell!? She gives a damn?

Yeah sure, I don’t voice out when Malaysians do stupid things. Not here anyway. Don’t get me wrong. I’m opinionated all right. To sum it up in simple words, I think those who make any commotion without just and reasonable cause should be castrated before being put into a series of electrical treatment. Not to kill them, just enough so that their brain can be rewired properly.

I do support freedom of speech and opinion. But I put the limit when it starts to affect MY freedom to do whatever I want. When it compromises the peace in this country. When it affects MY peace. Yes, it’s all about me. Every man for himself.


But this is just too much!


Sweeping? Sweeping? Sweeping MALAYSIANS? Really?


How about Indonesians here?

Compared to the current disputed ground, we have much, much more numerous solid justifications to do the same to them.

How do you want us to evacuate you? Or precisely, what adjectives do you want us to use?

Let’s put down a few suggestions, shall we?


1. Sweep. (Might as well tiru kan?)

2. Vacuum? (This one seems to fit well.)

3. Blow away?

4. Shoo? (Ape ni? Binatang ke?)

5. ….im running out idea.


The thing is, Melayu Malaysia dan Melayu Indonesia banyak sangatkah bezanya? (Well, okay, huge difference actually, but not that much of a difference. If you understand what I mean.) Setakat tarian hendak dijadikan isu? Mane letaknya otak? Kepalakah atau kepala lutut?


Never thought I’d live to hear myself saying this but I think this time around the government is right for not taking this matter seriously. I mean seriously! Seriously? Just because of a dance?


Malaysia is a melting pot. Search hard enough, you’ll find almost all of the culture in the world here.

Fusion is the word here. Wanna pinpoint the blame? Attack your ancestors who decided to travel and migrate. Wait, you need to build a time machine first. Ha, do that and then we’ll talk.


Now, I feel stupid for caring about this dense matter. But whaddahell, I’m too bengang to care.